Las Tontas No Van a Cielo...

...but I wish they would already. What a drag this show turned out to be. A zillion and one characters and storylines going nowhere fast -- I mean slow. Month after month of Candi grinning in every scene except the ones where she cries. She's good at crying and should stick to that.

The one redeeming factor is Patricio. Valentino Lanus is now one of my favorite telenovela stars. He's made a potentially tedious character very endearing. Actually, most of the cast is pretty good.

It's just the show that's awful. It makes Duelo de Pasiones look like Shakespeare. Well, not really, but I feel like saying it anyway. Bad, bad, bad writing on Las Tontas Go Around in Pointless Circles With Frequent Detours Into Dead Ends. BAD! MUY MAL!

To pass the time while the show drones on, my family has taken to thinking up nicknames for whiny Lucia. We took a vote and she was dubbed Losercia. Her middle name is Mizerally because she's so miserable. We may start thinking up nicknames for Candi next.

Go away, Las Tontas. Come back, Duelo de Pasiones. All is forgiven! (Well, not really.)

(Btw, I ended up enjoying "Querida Enemiga" very much. Early on I called it vanilla, but I forgot that vanilla is my favorite ice cream flavor, and it seems I like vanilla telenovelas too.)

Duelo de Pasiones awards, part 3 - time to wrap things up

I'm sorry for delaying this, but I will now finish my own personal awards show for my favorite terrible telenovela, "Duelo de Pasiones"!

BEST EVIL COUPLE: Sylvia suggested this category, and I agree that the winners can only be Siena Perezcano and Second-Actor-Who-Played-Hugo as Alfonsina and Hugo.

There were other evil couples on this show -- Orlando and Thelma; Alvaro and his wild-eyed sidekick Sergio; Maximo and his mustache; Vera and her pitchfork* -- but I agree with Sylvia, none of them topped Alfonsina and Hugo for sheer back-stabbing, double-crossing trickery.

I only regret that we didn't get to see First-Actor-Who-Played Hugo in the later episodes. Second Actor was a good actor, but Hugo just wasn't the same without his muscles and ever-present bandana.

BEST ROMANTIC COUPLE: Jorge De Silva and Alejandra Procuna as José and Mariana. We barely saw them together at all, but it was easy to believe they were in love, and I was hoping to see them get back together.

Malena should have received some punishment for keeping them apart (for no apparent reason except snobbery). I'm glad Mariana ended up with nice-guy Ricardo (aka Dr. Love, aka Orville Redenbacher), but I would have preferred to see José and True Love win out in the end.

RUNNER UP FOR BEST ROMANTIC COUPLE: Um... ok, I've got to say it... Rafael Rojas and Aida Pierce as Maximo and Rebeca (better known as Singing Aunt Rebeca). Admittedly, Maximo couldn't stand Rebeca. That's a bit of an obstacle to romance. And he was an evil rapist who deserved his inevitable demise etc. But admit it, didn't you want to see those two end up together?

I just rolled my eyes whenever Alina started sighing, "Ay, Emilio..." to herself or when (in every episode) Emilio stood alone in an empty room, stared into space, and announced woodenly, "Alina. Why can't I forget you?" etc etc. Nor did I care about the outcome of the Rosita/Santos, Ángel/Claudia, Soledad/Elias relationships. But I did want to see Maximo and Rebeca get together. What a perfectly matched, colorful, singing, mustache-twirling couple! Alas, it was not to be.

Which leads me to... BEST REASON TO WATCH THIS SHOW: Rafael Rojas as the evil (yet disturbingly loveable) Maximo Valtierra. There was never a dull moment when that guy was onscreen.

My grandmother, who is old enough to remember silent movies, disliked Maximo because he reminded her of overacting silent screen stars. But that's what I enjoyed so much about his performance: Maximo never let you forget that he was Evil with a capital E. I kept expecting him to grab Rosita and tie her to some railroad tracks. I loved all of it: the flamboyant wardrobe, the mustache twirling, the evil chuckling, the rose-kissing.

Of course, it doesn't hurt that Rafael Rojas is a very good-looking, charismatic man. I'm going to have to track down some DVDs of his older shows. In the meantime, I thank him for giving me a reason to look forward to this silly show night after night.

For my fellow Maximo fans, a link:
Página Oficial de Rafael Rojas

This blog post is running a bit long, so let me wrap it up with a few quick final remarks:

CHARACTER MOST ILL-TREATED BY THE WRITERS: Poor Nurse Susy. Why did the writers spend all that time convincing us of her secret love for Angel, only to suddenly drop Susy from the story? Both Susy and the show's viewers were cheated of a resolution to this storyline.

RUNNER UP FOR MOST ILL-TREATED CHARACTER: Blanca, played by Isaura Espinoza. She actually had a brain, and that didn't fit with the show, so the writers had to kill her off. I was sorry to see her go.

I wish the writers had explained whatever happened to her final letter to Elias. Alvaro made off with it and it was never seen again.

BEST HAIR, MALE: I'm going to give this award to Jorge De Silva because I enjoyed his facial hair. I just enjoyed looking at him, period. Honorable mention to Castulo and Angel for also being easy on the eyes.

BEST HAIR, FEMALE: Alejandra Procuna as Mariana. Her haircut really suited her.

CHARACTER I MOST WANTED TO SLAP: The doctor Aida (aka Dr. Loca). I don't have time to look up the actress's name but my goodness, the character was annoying. Someone should cast the actress as a villain.

DISHONORABLE MENTION goes to the writers, editors, and directors. This show was so disjointed that sometimes it was hard to figure out what on earth was going on. I saw a little bit of "Heridas de Amor" recently on YouTube and was reminded of what a high-quality production it was, despite its faults. Duelo de Pasiones was a lousy production. Only its sense of humor and its actors made it at all watchable.

I am in a hurry so I've got to stop writing, and I didn't even get a chance to mention Tonki/Donkey/whatever that dog was named! Oh well. Adios for now.

*You know, the pitchfork Vera waved while leading the mob to kill "witch" Luba... ok, I don't remember if she actually carried a pitchfork herself, but I'm sure she wanted to .

My Duelo awards part 2 - I feel like being controversial!

OK, I've put this off for too long, so it's time for me to present my awards for best and worst "Duelo de Pasiones" actresses. I think my choices will be controversial, but here it goes:

BEST ACTRESS: Believe it or not, I'm going to give this award to Ludwika Paleta for her performance in the thankless role of Alina Montellano (or, as I liked to call her, Duhlina). This may seem like a strange choice since all Alina ever did was cry, act stupid, and moon over Emilio (in itself a stupid act), but I think it takes a good actress to pull off such a lame character without making me hate her, and Ludwika Paleta did that.

Now, if you watched this show, you're probably wondering why I didn't choose Ana Martin (as Luba) for best actress. Well, if it's any consolation to her, she gets my next award:

RUNNER-UP FOR BEST ACTRESS. Ana Martin was very good in the role of Luba. Despite her histrionics, she managed to make Luba a sympathetic character, even loveable. Her scenes with Gaspar were funny and touching and sometimes even scary.

If the show had ended a few months earlier, Ana Martin would have gotten my Best Actress award. But as the show dragged on and on, Luba's over-the-top screeching began to wear on me. I suspected that the actress knew she was trapped in a terrible show and was trying heroically to save it by giving an Oscar-worthy performance every single night.

But poor Gaspar, how exhausting to live with a mother like Luba. Can you imagine her asking him to pass the salt at the dinner table (assuming they had salt or a dinner table in their cave)? "GASPAR! PASS! THE!! SALT!!!!!!!!" screech screech stomp stomp etc. Except that would have been screeched and stomped in Spanish.

My point is that a little Luba went a long way, and six or nine months of her was, for me, too much. But she did a lot to breathe life into this ridiculous show, and I'm grateful for that.

Now it's time for another controversial choice: my pick for WORST ACTRESS... Erika Buenfil as Soledad.

Granted, like most of the actors on this show, she had a thankless role. Soledad was a well-dressed zombie who spent years sitting around in her prison-room all dolled up (how many bracelets does an imprisoned woman really need??) praying lethargically but doing nothing practical to help herself or her daughter, unless you count falling off the balcony in her half-baked escape attempt.

Soledad only came alive when she was squabbling with Alvaro, and even then she seemed half-hearted. As for her "romance" with Elias -- you could practically see her cringing away from him. Not very romantic.

I'm not blaming the actress for Soledad's behavior, but Soledad and Alina were in the same brain-dead boat, and I simply found Alina more likeable and believable than Soledad. I think a better actress could have done more with this character by at least making me understand Soledad. Instead I felt bored and exasperated by her.

RUNNER-UP FOR WORST ACTRESS: Ximena Herrera as Rosita. When she wasn't looking worried, she looked like she was planning to be worried again very soon. She was such a tepid character that I found it hard to believe Maximo would get so worked up over her. Even the death of her best friend Alina didn't seem to wake Rosita from her self-absorbed, bland-faced, mildly worried trance.

To me, Rosita was a big yawn, and when she and Santos disappeared from the storyline I didn't miss them one bit. The only reason she doesn't get Worst Actress is that Rosita was not as important a character as Soledad.

In my opinion, all the actresses on this show were OK, including the ladies who played Soledad and Rosita. They did the best they could with dismal material. Unfortunately, for me, their best wasn't good enough, because the material was just that bad.

I'll have a few more comments on this show in my next blog post(s). It may be a week or two before I write it up, but I'm not done trashing Duelo yet!

My better-late-than-never rehash of Duelo de Pasiones - Part 1

By the time "Duelo de Pasiones" ended, I was fed up with its silliness and didn't want to think about it anymore, but enough time has passed that I am -- yes -- actually starting to feel nostalgic for the good old days with all the crazies in Sierra Escondida. But not so much so that I want to think about them for more than 10 minutes at a stretch.

So, while I'm finally going to do my own little Duelo de Pasiones awards show to applaud the good things about the show (Maximo and Gaspar) and hiss the bad (the writing, and every expression Emilio never had on his face), I'm going to break it up into several parts so I don't overdose on Duelo again. (Sorry if that didn't make any sense. I'm in the mood for run-on sentences.)

Let's begin with... BEST ACTOR. And the winner is: Pablo Montero as Emilio! Ha, just kidding. No, I'm going with Sergio Goyri as crazy villain Alvaro Montellano, better known on the Caray Caray blog as Don Loco.

As I mentioned above, I think this show was badly written, but I always found Alvaro believable, and at times I even felt sorry for him. And that's thanks to Sergio Goyri. What I remember most about Alvaro, the supposedly all-powerful, was the pathetic way he confided his anxieties about his wife Soledad to his traitorous underling Hugo and his traitorous neighbor Maximo. Who else could poor crazy Alvaro turn to? He had no friends. And it's no wonder, given his bad behavior, but Sergio Goyri made me think his loneliness was a sad thing. Good work, Mr. Goyri.

RUNNER UP FOR BEST ACTOR: Rene Gómez (Intocable) as Gaspar. He was the only character I never got tired of -- well, almost never. I don't know whether people who sustain brain damage as adults really talk in that childish way(?) but I certainly found Gaspar believable as a retarded person. In fact, at first I assumed the actor must be retarded himself because he was so believable. How can any grown man have such a sweet, innocent smile? That's good acting. I know Intocable is a pro wrestler, but I hope he continues to act.

WORST ACTOR: Clearly that would be Pablo Montero as Emilio. All he did was stand around looking vaguely pained. He was good at that. I could give him an award for that. But I'm not going to.

RUNNER UP FOR WORST ACTOR: David Ostrosky as Elías. Not that I actually thought he was bad. He was OK, especially in the scene when he found Blanca's body. But I think I was actually supposed to like Elias. Wasn't I? Even his love interest, Soledad, seemed to find him creepy, and I have to agree with her on that.

Maybe this was a case of poor casting. And there were probably worse actors on Duelo that I'm forgetting. Tell me what you think of my choices in the comments section, please.

To be continued (eventually)...

Maximo from "Duelo de Pasiones" as a Sim

He likes to play video games -- for some reason I find that quite humorous.

My first impressions of the final episode of Duelo de Pasiones

Poor Gaspar. That was genuinely sad.

I saw Alvaro's death coming a mile away -- I always thought he would redeem himself by dying to save Soledad and/or Alina -- and the jaguar showing up didn't surprise me either because it had been foreshadowed -- but it was still a good way to send old Don Loco out.

The whole Alina-maybe-died thing: Give me a break. What a waste of air time. Why not use that time to tell us what happened to the characters? We know Luba has Little Cub, but where are they living? In a cave? Later we see a boy who might be the little cub running around with Alina's daughter. But that's a dream sequence, so does it mean anything? If Emilio took Gaspar Jr. in, does that mean Luba lives with him, too? What about Singing Aunt? She had nowhere else to go. Well, we'll never know because we had to watch Alina die instead.

DID she die? Unclear. I'll guess yes, and the beach sequence was her death bed hallucination. Emilio probably mourned her for five minutes, the way Elias mourned Blanca. Then he married Coral.

Well, it was better than Cesar in Heridas de Amor being randomly hit by a car. But not much better. An appropriately stupid end to a stupid show.

Gaspar was too good for this show. I hope to see the actor (Intocable; I forget his real name) again. In a much better show.

Another side of Angel

A few tidbits about José María Torre, who plays Angel on "Duelo de Pasiones":

He's 29 years old and has been acting since 1990.

He's 5' 7" (according to IMDB.com).

He has four brothers and six sisters! (This according to his profile on Esmas.com.)

Most interesting, at least to me: He is a fashion designer. I haven't been able to find any photos of his designs, but here's an article about it:
José María Torre y su colección para Fashion Experience VIP

Music de pasiones

OK, "Duelo de Pasiones" isn't the greatest telenovela ever made -- I think we can all agree on that -- but, like most telenovelas, it has an excellent theme song: "Insensible a Ti," sung by Alicia Villarreal.

As it happens, Alicia Villarreal also plays Raquel in "Duelo." And she isn't the only singer in the cast; as you probably know, Pablo Montero (who plays Emilio) is a popular singer. But did you know Sergio Goyri (Alvaro) has also released CDs? Even Ana Martín (Luba) sings! (As an aside, here's a photo of Ana in her younger days; muy bella.)

I checked Amazon for CDs from Duelo cast members, and here's what I found:

Con la Bendición de Dios by Pablo Montero. This was released in 2005. There are other Pablo Montero CDs available, but I picked this one because its Amazon listing includes music clips.

If you'd prefer to see Handsome Mr. Montero while he sings (and really, who wouldn't), Amazon also offers this DVD of his greatest music video hits: Entrega Total... Los Exitos.

Next: Orgullo de Mujer. This 2006 CD from Alicia Villarreal includes "Insensible a Ti (Me Pone a Mil)," along with nine other songs. Amazon also has other CDs from Ms. Villarreal (who was formerly the lead singer of the band Grupo Límite).

And now... Sergio Goyri sings! Sergio Goyri. This CD is from 1997. Again, Amazon offers clips from the songs. I'm no expert, but he sounds a little off-key to me. Still, he sings better than Pablo Montero acts.

Finally: Dulce Amor. This is the only Ana Martín CD I could find, and there's only one (used) copy available on Amazon at the moment. I don't see a date, but it looks like the 1950s. Who knows. It includes the songs "Tu Eres," "Quien," "Dulce Amor, "Hieres," "Y Despues," "A la Orilla del Mar," "Yo Quiero," "Rutina," "Para Ti," and "Temblando de Frio."(My apologies for any accent marks I omitted.)

Alas, I can't find a CD from Aida Pierce (Duelo's Singing Aunt Rebeca). But I won't be surprised if there's more music out there from Duelo cast members. If you know of any CDs I've missed, please say so.

Duelo de Pasiones, Thursday July 12

Duelo de Pasiones, Thursday July 12 - Don Loco's imaginary friend is the only one he has left

Duelo de Pasiones, Thursday July 5

Duelo de Pasiones, Thursday July 5 - The world's stupidest couple is reunited

Duelo de Pasiones, Thursday June 28

Duelo de Pasiones, Thursday June 28 - A new muñequita for Gaspar?

A little Pablo gossip

I found this article on Univision.com (while looking in vain for clarification about the exact time tomorrow's last episode of La Fea Mas Bella will air). There's no date on the article that I can see, but it was posted on the front page of the telenovelas section, so I assume it's new:

"Se llamará Pablo"

As far as I can make out, it says Pablo Montero (who plays Emilio in Duelo de Pasiones) is going to be a father because his old flame, actress Sandra Vidal, is pregnant. It's a boy and will be named Pablo after his father.

"Wedding? That will come later," according to the article's blurb.

Duelo de Pasiones, Thursday June 21

Duelo de Pasiones, Thursday June 21 - Don Loco says he's sorry

Duelo de Pasiones shooting spree (updated in July)

Let's see, how many shootings have there been now on "Duelo de Pasiones"?

ALFONSINA - shot by Alvaro (and died)
ALINA - shot by Sergio
ALVARO'S TATTOOED JAIL FRIEND -- shot while trying to escape (and died)
CASTULO - shot by Braulio (and died)
ELIAS - shot by Sergio
EMILIO - shot twice by Alvaro
FELICIA - shot by authorities (and died)
GASPAR - shot three times, once by Sergio, once by Orlando, and once by Emilio (although Emilio's shot only tranquilized him, should that count?)
HOTEL CLERK - shot by Alfonsina (and probably died)
HUGO - shot by Alfonsina (and died)
JACINTO - shot by authorities (and died)
JOSE - shot by Orlando (and died)
MAXIMO - shot by Castulo
ROSITA'S UNFORTUNATE DRIVER (I don't recall his name) - shot by Castulo (and died)
SERGIO - shot by Emilio with his trusty tranquilizer gun (thank you to Sylvia for telling me about this one)
SOLEDAD - shot by Alvaro
WOULD-BE ASSASSIN HIRED BY HUGO (again, I forget his name) - shot by Alvaro (and died)
DR. Z - shot by Castulo (and died)

So by my count, Alvaro is most bloodthirsty, having five shootings to his credit. Emilio and Gaspar are the most bulletproof, having survived two wounds apiece. Gaspar wins if we count the time Emilio shot him with a tranquilizer gun.

Hmm. I've listed ONLY 21 shootings. It seems as if there have been 21,000 on this show. Who am I forgetting?

(Note: I missed about eight episodes because I was on vacation, but Sylvia kindly let me know about the shootings I missed. Thank you!)

Not much at all about Orlando

In a comment on an earlier post, someone asked for info about the actor who plays Orlando in "Duelo de Pasiones." Well, his name is Alejandro Ávila, and according to IMDB.com he has been acting since 1990. (I remember seeing him in "Piel de Otoño" as Bruno, another smirking villainous role.)

That's all IMDB has to say, and there's no Wikipedia entry about him, so it's time to do an Internet search...

It seems there is an American murderer by the same name, so that's making the search more difficult. I don't see anything in English about Alejandro Ávila the actor except this page, which says his birthday is February 9 (no year given). Guess I'll have to stop being lazy and start trying to translate.

But no, I can't find much in Spanish, either. Here's a fan site: Alejandro Avila Club de Fans, but it requires registration so I won't bother with that. It doesn't seem to be very active, anyway.

So I tried but I cannot find any real info about this man... no biography, no gossip, nothing. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places. Maybe he's not a superstar, but he's a cute guy and you'd think someone somewhere would have SOMETHING to say about him. Anyone out there have any information to share?

¡Mira! April 16 issue

I have here a copy of the 16 de Abril issue of ¡Mira!, which is a Spanish-language celebrity gossip tabloid. The cover story is an interview with Angélica Vale, who plays Lety in "La Fea Más Bella."

It's got some photos of Lety after her transformation from fea to bella -- wow! -- but be warned, there are also some photos of Lety with Aldo and Fernando that make it very plain which man she's going to end up with, so don't look at that article if you want to be even the tiniest bit surprised.

After reading at that article and wishing I hadn't, I looked more closely at the cover of the issue and thought, hey, is that a photo of Maximo from "Duelo de Pasiones" in the upper right-hand corner? And yes, it is!

The headline next to the photo screams, La Ex De Rafael Rojas Alega: "¡Él Es Bisexual!"

Él es? Ay! I had to check that article out.

As the title suggests, it's an interview with his ex-wife, Milena Santana. The introduction says she accuses him of being "drogadicto y bisexual." He denies it, "saying he is rehabilitated from his addictions" and threatening to contrademandarla (does this mean "counter-sue her"?) but she "insists on the bisexuality of the Costa Rican."

The interview itself is mostly about her acting ambitions, so all I learned about Rafael Rojas was that he has two daughters with Ms. Santana and another daughter from a previous relationship.

At the end of the interview there's a note that says (I think) that Rojas says he has been off drugs for five or six years and is supporting his daughters.

All I can say is that Rafael Rojas is by far the most entertaining thing about "Duelo de Pasiones." I'm never bored when he's on the screen. And he's quite good-looking, isn't he?

Here's what Wikipedia has to say about him:
Rafael Rojas.

This issue of ¡Mira! also has an interview with Ana Martin, who plays Luba in "Duelo." It says she's a former sex symbol, which doesn't surprise me -- she is so pretty.

I am surprised, however, to learn that she's 60. She doesn't look it at all. The article says she's had liposuction recently, so I suppose there may be some other surgical explanation for her well-preserved looks, but it's certainly working for her.

The article says she feels agile but wouldn't want to pose for a men's magazine (she did it when she was young and didn't like it at that stage, much less now). And she wouldn't write her autobiography because it would upset many people and she'd surely end up in jail, "porque llevé una vida privada muy escabrosa" (which I think means something like "because I lived a very unconventional private life")!

Pablo de Pasiones

Well, I said would post something about Pablo Montero, also known as Emilio in "Duelo de Pasiones," so I'd better hurry up and do it since the show seems to be drawing to a close.

I'll take the lazy way out and start, as always, with Wikipedia. It says Pablo Montero was born in August 1974, which makes him 32 years old. He's a teen idol who has been romantically linked to Susana Gonzalez (who played the lawyer Liliana on "Heridas de Amor"), and to another actress I've never heard of, and to three former Miss Universes. And that's all Wikipedia has to say.

I tried the Spanish version of Wikipedia, and what do you know? "No existe ningún artículo con el título que has escrito." Maybe Mexicans don't use Wikipedia much yet.

IMBD.com doesn't have anything to add except that he is 5' 10¾" tall and has acted in eight television shows since 1990. Judging by "Duelo," maybe he should stick to singing.

And can he sing? Well, here's a video from YouTube:
Que voy a hacer sin ti.

Kind of a boring song, but he's an OK crooner. And he looks good. I wouldn't mind being a former Miss Universe.

OK, time for some Spanish-language articles:
Pablo Montero lamenta su ruptura con Ludwika Paleta
Culpa Montero a la prensa
Biografía de Pablo Montero

And if you want to know his favorite color and what he wears to bed, here's an interview: Entre Chule y Paleta...

And with that I say adios to Señor Montero.